


Till death do us apart

by sznups



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Bedridden, Caring Alec, Ethical Dilemmas, Heavy Angst, Hurt Magnus, I am such a bitch I'm sorry, M/M, Pain, Protective Alec, Sick Magnus, Sickness, anguish, nursing back to health, why am i even doing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-20 17:35:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17626628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sznups/pseuds/sznups
Summary: It's been three years since the last time he heard Magnus' voice, saw his loving smile. And yet he is happy. Because Magnus stayed by his side. Alec Lightwood falls in love once. And his love is unbreakable.





	Till death do us apart

**Author's Note:**

> No idea why I wrote this. It's my birthday and I decided that it's a great idea to write a heavy angst. I need help. Insomnia is a bitch. 
> 
> This story is based on something that happened in real life. Kind of. I worked in a stroke unit. I had a patient that had a high chance to get better, to live and be happy. But the doctors cared about money and they tested the new drug on him. He lost all his chances. I still can't forget his daughter's face. I felt sorry for him. But she... I guess I'll always remember her pain especially because she was the one who agreed to administer the drug.
> 
> Nevermind! My coping mechanism is weird and sorry for that. Also, if you're sensitive, I suggest you don't read it. There aren't any details but it shows the true difficulties of taking care of a bedridden, unconscious patient.

The slow beeping of a heart-monitor and loud, thanks to the ventilator, breathing filled the room. The blinds were slightly lowered as he stepped into the room, carrying a bowl of warm water and a soft sponge. He put the water down and went to open a window and get some fresh air inside.

“The weather is beautiful today. It’s 6th of July. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping. Can you hear them? I bet you can. It’s really green outside too. Everything is blooming. We still need to wait for this apple tree to bloom, though. I hope it’ll give us some fruit this year. Remember last year? That tree was such a bitch! We’ve been talking about the pie for so long and what? I had to search the whole city to find exactly this kind of apples! That was insane!”

The beeping was the only answer he received.

“Are you ready for your morning routine?” he mustered up a smile. He knew that his love couldn’t see him. But Alec still felt the need to stay as positive as he could so Magnus didn’t have to worry about him. “I’ve already showered so it’s only fair, if you do that too.”

He moved the bowl aside, putting it on the bedside table and then got the covers off Magnus’ body. He needed to wash them and change the sheets anyway. He did it three to four times a week. And today was that day. He got a fresh set of sheets from the closet.

“I hope you’re not cold. I opened the window so you can breathe some fresh air.”

 _Idiot. Fucking idiot._ Magnus didn’t breathe. anymore Those weren’t his breaths. He could no longer breathe on his own. If it wasn’t for the machine…

“And I prepared you some breakfast. But a bath first, okay?” he didn’t use gloves. It was his fiancé, he deserved to be cherished, even in this condition. Alec grabbed a washcloth from a drawer and drenched it in the soapy water. “You know, I’ve been thinking… what should we do today?” he asked, bringing the cloth to Magnus’ face. He washed it as gently as he could, wiping off the sticky leftover cream from his man’s eyes. “Is there anything you would like to do?”

The beeping continued. Alec clenched his hand on the washcloth.

“It’s Tuesday. So… literature Tuesday? I like that idea too!”

Steady inhales and exhales. Magnus’ chest rose and fell. The rhythm remained the same. The same for the past three years.

*

_It was a sunny day. One of the best days of Alec’s life. The first happiest day was the day he met Magnus. He remembered it very well. He managed to get into Julliard and for a moment he thought that nothing better could have ever happened to him. Alec was a dancer and he couldn’t imagine his life doing anything else but dance. His parents accepted his decision. He got in. Everything was perfect or so he thought. The moment he felt complete happened half a year later._

_It was Thursday as he stepped into the practice room. It was too early in the morning for anyone to be there so he used the time to the fullest. Alec specialized in modern and jazz. His dancing used to be depressing but right now he was finally content with his life and his dance showed it. He danced with grace and great precise, his moves were the reflection of his emotions. He danced like there was no tomorrow until the song ended and he heard someone clapping. Then he saw him. The most beautiful man he had ever seen. Alec blushed. The stranger came closer._

_“Well, well, don’t pinch me. If I’m dreaming, I don’t want to wake up. It was incredible!” he exclaimed. His happiness and positivity struck Alec like a lightning. Or perhaps it was the gorgeous smile. Or his body. Or the handsome face. Or the most stunning eyes and the perfect eyeliner making them even more hot and exotic? “You were incredible. I always knew that my insomnia was a sign. And I wasn’t mistaken! Woah! You were amazing, darling!”_

_Alec remembered him jump with excitement. He had no idea how to react so he just blushed even harder._

_“I… sure? Thanks?” he stuttered, feeling like a complete idiot. However, the man laughed and what a beautiful sound it was._

_“You’re so cute…? Oh, I’m sorry. I think I didn’t catch your name?” he winked and Alec gulped._

_“I… I… my name… yea… sure, I have a name” he nodded his head. Magnus bit his lip in amusement and waited patiently. “Lightwood. Alex… Alec! Alec Lightwood!”_

_“Short for Alexander?”_

_“Y-yea… but no one calls me that. It’s just…”_

_“Alexander then” he interrupted and then grabbed Alec’s hand, giving him a handshake. “I’m Magnus Bane. And I hope we will be seeing each other more often.”_

_“I… I’d like that…”_

_They started dating soon after that meeting and they very quickly realized they were meant for each other. The arguments hardly ever happened. They shared their love and passion for dance. It all seemed to be too perfect to be real. They were both just happy. Magnus showed Alec a lot of new things. And Alec taught Magnus even more. Their love was strong._

_After a graduation they decided to rent an apartment together. And one year later they got engaged. They were acting like teenagers in love but they simply didn’t care. They were going to get married. They were going to adopt a kid. And they were going to live their happy ever after. They had so many plans._

_All of their plans got ruined not even an hour later. They waited for a taxi, standing on the pavement and holding hands. They were both beaming with happiness, not caring about anything or anyone. Alec looked at Magnus and he knew right away that he’d do anything for this man. His love for Magnus was no longer only strong but also unconditional. He felt it. However, back then he would’ve never thought that his love would be put to the test._

_He felt a strong push. Magnus pushed him. He heard screams. The last thing he saw were Magnus’ eyes. Those beautiful eyes were filled with fear and confusion. And Alec hated it._

_He woke up in the hospital next day. It turned out there was an accident. A drunk kid stole his parents’ car and decided to test it on the road. He explained that he only wanted to play, that he didn’t want to hurt anyone. Alec believed him. It didn’t change the fact he wanted to throttle that brat._

_He ended up with a concussion, broken leg, three broken ribs and without his spleen. It was unfortunate and painful but Alec didn’t care about his health. He needed to know what happened to Magnus. If it wasn’t for his fiancé, it could have ended up much worse. His siblings avoided his eyes. His mother started crying._

_Later that day Alec got the news. Magnus suffered a major trauma. His internal organs were damaged. They told him to wait. If Magnus survived the night, he’d be alive. Alec ignored doctors’ orders and stayed by Magnus’ side the whole night, begging the love of his life not to leave him. Magnus fought bravely. He survived. However, one day later Alec almost lost him again._

_“There was a hematoma the scans didn’t detect. We… gave him meds that we shouldn’t have given to him, if we knew there was the hematoma. We are very sorry, Mr.Lightwood. It grew and burst… we tried everything we could…”_

_Alec whole world stopped existing. Magnus… no, it couldn’t be true…_

_“He’s alive. But he is in a coma” the doctor added and Alec needed a moment to find the courage to ask the crucial and the hardest question in his whole life._

_“When will he wake up…?” his voice was barely a whisper._

_“We cannot give you the hope that he will ever wake up.”_

_The news destroyed him. Alec thought he’d die. He screamed, cried, shouted and cursed at the doctors, that stupid kid, at his family for even daring to comfort him. The love of his life was in a coma. The doctors made it clear. He’ll never wake up._

_Alec was Magnus’ fiancé. He wasn’t the only close person to Magnus but he was the one who could make a decision. Fight for Magnus. Leave Magnus in the hospital. Let him go. Any of the options was easy._

_Alec stood at the foot of Magnus’ bed and watched his fiancé sleep. At least you no longer have that pesky insomnia, he thought. Magnus was hooked to many machines, the wires and tubes were everywhere. That fucking beeping! Alec cried. The pain was unbearable. And then he touched Magnus’ hand. It was warm. He looked down at their hands. Alec saw the ring still on his finger and it was the moment he knew, he’d never leave Magnus. It was his fiancé. The love of his life. The one and only. They didn’t get to say their vows. However, Alec felt it with his whole being._

_“In sickness and in health” he whispered, squeezing Magnus’ hand._

_He knew how hard taking care of Magnus would be. He knew how much he’d have to sacrifice. And yet, he didn’t hesitate even for a moment._

_At the end of the next month the room for Magnus was prepared. It had everything. Medical supplies, the needed equipment. And Alec hated it with his whole heart. This room was a prison for both of them._

*

He ran the sponge down Magnus’ belly, bypassing all the tubes and fresh dressings. The impressive abs were gone. Alec’s heart hurt when he had to watch his beautiful, incredible fiancé wither away. He didn’t cry, though. He had to be strong for Magnus.

“Okay, handsome. Let’s get you all clean, shall we?”

Alec always thought that he’d be on the diaper changing duty when he’ll become a father. He never even thought he’d have to do it for his partner. But he never complained. He believed that Magnus could hear him, that he was aware of what was happening around him. And Alec knew how embarrassing and devastating it must have been for him. So he never even once complained.

He cleaned Magnus, making sure there was nothing left that could irritate his skin. Magnus had been bedridden for the past three years but Alec did his job as best as he could. He didn’t have any nursing skills when all of this happened. He had to learn everything. And he knew one thing for sure. His fiancé will not suffer from pressure ulcers. Never. The bedsores not only looked and smelled bad but they must have hurt like hell. And Magnus was in pain anyway. He didn’t need to suffer even more.

“It may be a bit cold, babe. But this cream makes wonders, you know? My hands have never been so soft!” he chuckled and then put a thick layer of cream on all the places it should have been put on.

The baths were hard. Magnus didn’t help him at all and Alec had to lift him, roll him over, dress him. He had no idea how nurses did it on daily basis with so many patients. He was already exhausted even if he was already used to it. It wasn’t the end of the routine, though.

At the beginning of his nursing journey, Alec had no idea about many things. It was three years ago. He was definitely much smarter now. And he knew that soap wasn’t enough. He had to flush the bladder, oil the skin, suck off the mucus from the tracheotomy tube, do the oral hygiene for Magnus. And put a new layer of cream on Magnus’ eyelids. The same routine over and over, every day. Alec was sick of it but he always did it with a smile. He did it for Magnus, for the man he loved. And he never stopped loving.

“Oh, boy. Now I’m all sweaty again!” he clicked his tongue. “Magnus, you’re so lazy I swear. You’re lucky I love you so much” he placed a kiss on the man’s forehead. “I’ll go and fetch your breakfast now. Wait a moment.”

The breakfast was an orange goo mixed with crushed pills. And a glass of water. For once Alec was happy that Magnus didn’t have to feel the taste. He uncapped the tube and put the syringe in to inject the poor excuse of food straight to Magnus’ stomach.

“It’s good, isn’t it? You’re so lucky, babe. I had only a toast and you get to eat warm breakfasts!” he shook his head fondly. It was getting harder and harder with every passing day. “I hope you’re not hungry anymore, you greedy glutton” he flushed the tube with water and put the cap back on. “What are we going to read today, hmm? Wait, wait… I’ll be the amazing fiancé I am, you don’t need to thank me. Let’s read Harry Potter once again, Mags. Part four, your favorite. And perhaps we can read something more mature next week, hmm?” he said in a mocking voice as he grabbed the book. “I heard there was another part. It’s more like a script than a story but I guess we can give it a try. Would you like that?”

The beeping was the only thing that broke the silence.

“Great! Then I’ll tell Izzy to get it for you.”

*

The physiotherapist visited Magnus four times a week. Alec had exactly an hour and a half for himself. Then he was right back by Magnus’ side. He was totally aware of how toxic it was. He used the free time to prepare medications and food for his fiancé or do some chores because his fiancé needed clean sheets. He knew it wasn’t healthy anymore and he appreciated that his family wanted to help. But it didn’t matter. He never left Magnus’ side.

“What if he dies when I’m away?” he whispered-screamed at his brother. “I can’t do it. I won’t do it. Leave now, Jace.”

Jace didn’t leave. He watched his brother with tears in his eyes. He couldn’t help Magnus. But he could take care of Alec. It soon became his biggest priority.

*

Alec feared the night. The nights were no longer for sleep and relax. Nights were terrifying. Nights were the part of the day when the pain hit. Alec cried as he saw his fiancé hurting, the beeping faster and louder than before. Magnus was trapped in his own body. He was trapped and in pain. Alec could only give him strong painkillers and wonder how much more time they got left before Magnus would get used to the dosage. He took the man’s hand and kissed him.

“I am so sorry, baby. Does it still hurt? It’ll be better soon, I promise. You are so brave, Mags. So very brave. I’m proud of you, honey” he whispered.

Magnus slowly relaxed. Alec hummed a slow melody, staying by Magnus’ side until the next day.

*

The visits of Magnus’ friends were also depressing but they definitely got better. No one seemed to be okay with the situation. Magnus was the last person to deserve such fate. But for now, there was nothing they could do. So they just sat with him, told him about their day, shared news and gossips. They kept their tears at bay. Magnus didn’t need to worry about them. However, the moment they left the room the man was laying in, there was no way to stop the hot tears streaming down their faces. It happened every time.

“I have no idea how you’re doing it, Alec. Thank you so much…” Catarina’s sobs were muffled by her own fist. She didn’t want to be a burden. She wasn’t the one who needed to be comforted.

“You’re also doing a lot, Cat. He knows it.”

If it wasn’t for Alec’s family and Magnus’ friend, they’d never be able to afford everything. Alec didn’t work anymore. Their family paid for everything. Food, rent, meds, medical help, supplies. At first Alec didn’t want that. But it was all so freaking expensive. Magnus needed all of those things. The physiotherapy, the medications, the special feeds. It wasn’t about Alec’s honor anymore. Nothing was about him anymore.

*

“Hey, Magnus! Remember when we talked about the apple tree? Look! I’ve got us some apples!” he smiled and then sat on the chair. He grabbed the apple and then took Magnus’ hand gently. He placed his hand on top of the fruit. “See? It’s the apple I picked up a few minutes ago. It’s big and shiny. Still a little green but I guess it won’t be a problem? You always say that I’ll get tummy ache if I eat green apples. And I never did. Beside the one time but hey, it’s not important” he sighed and then kissed Magnus’ cheek.

“Do you like it? And what do you think, what is that thing?” he grabbed a peach from the fruit basket and then put Magnus’ fingers on top of it. “See how fluffy it is?” he chuckled. “I could give you a hint but na-ah! You’ll have to guess.”

He knew it was pointless. Magnus would never answer him. The beeping was everything he got in response. However, Alec hoped that Magnus knew how much Alec cared about him. Alec didn’t need any gratitude nor admiration. He stayed with Magnus because he loved him. And no matter how hard it was, he loved him more and more every day.

*

Magnus returned from the hospital. There wasn’t any change in his health. He was still in a coma. They changed his meds but didn’t say if they’d help. They just wanted to get rid of them. They could only hope the meds would work.

The pain grew stronger and Alec didn’t remember when was the last night he slept without waking up every fifteen minutes. He moved to Magnus’ room. The bed wasn’t big enough but he didn’t mind sleeping on the floor. At least he was close to his love.

Alec was caressing Magnus’ arm. The unconscious man was dressed in a warm, comfy shirt. The night was quite cold but Magnus was all sweaty due to the fever and pain. Alec doubled the dosage of painkillers and then squeezed his fiancé’s hand, tears streaming down his face.

“I am so sorry you have to go through this, Magnus. And I am so sorry I am such a coward. I know I should let you go… I know I have no rights to force you to stay alive when you’re in so much pain… But I love you so much… I love you more than anything… please… please come back to me, Magnus. Please. Just give me a sign. Just a little sign” he sniffed. “What should I do? What do you want me to do? Do you want me to let you go?” he choked on a sob. His life was hard but he couldn’t imagine it without the man he loved. “I will fight for you, Magnus. Always. You’re not a burden. You could never be a burden. I am so happy to have you. I love you so very much, Magnus… So please, give me a sign. Please…”

The heart monitor beeped in a steady rhythm.

“I’ll be waiting for you, Mags. Until death do us apart.”


End file.
